I'd like to announce that I'm starting a new business, it's a revolutionary concept and this is the first time I'm talking about it in a public space.

It's gonna be called Go Goats and basically what it is is you go online(the site will go live soon) and you pick the goat you need to rent, there will be a wide selection of utility and sedan goats. We stuff it into a a big crate and ship it directly to your door step. Or anywhere you'll be in the world. When it arrives you'll find a fresh goat inside with some goat fuel, a.k.a. carrots and cabbages, and packing material. You pay by the day and when you're done you can either leave it at the airport or call our automatic goat returns network which within 15 minutes will send an apache helicopter with a suspended crate direct to your location, all you have to do is usher the goat in and shut the door.

That's it!

Once unpacked you just climb on the goat and it'll chauffeur you around town. It's gonna be the next big thing in green transportation. The manufacturing process has far less environmental impact than electric cars today. You also get better mileage and will be able to customize your goat with a bevy of features including "Cup Holders" for those thirsty trips, "Velvet" where we drape the goat in velvet for a more comfortable feel and "Nitro" which is where we lace the goat's carrots with coffee. Another big benefit and what of course will be a standard feature is that as you drive around town your goat will recycle the world around you, everything from aluminum cans to cigarette butts.

You'll be able to sit atop your goat with pride and your friends will envy you, but they won't have to because of the low low prices we're aming for. Focus groups have already indicated that it's gonna be a big hit and we're striving to meet your needs and if we really knock this one out of the park we'll make available a set of leasing plans and move into the owner's market.

today i'll tie my shoe lace
in a knot but not a bow
a complex net work of order
that order two and fro.
that material ending in plastic
for threading through my shoe,
comes in little aid
when frayed; adieu
adieu i leave this wretched place
was ok for tying two shoes
that's it

into it i climb and nestle
the body of my car.
down i put my new tied shoe
I'll test its mettle far
where the rubber meets the road in a different kind of shoe
one round and rubber and black and bolted to the metallics of my car
the four of them turn two and fro
first front, then back will surely follow

if i were to keep a spare shoe in my trunk
it would only slow me down
not my car my car's the opposite
if i were a car i'd frown
but it's always standing, standing on
it's tired little rounded feet
flying 80 miles an hour
down the fricken street.

BANG a duck, i've smashed in too
before i hit the wall
i noticed some yellow, some fluff, and white and you
it's stuck against a mall

to crash is actually quite a shock
the duck i'm sure agrees
besides the duck, i'm stuck as well
i'm buckled at the knees

my legs are turned up in side out
they're pointing at the face
accusing me of some foul act that
i can almost taste

i don't see my shoes no more
no duck no car no wall
down the road along the edge
oh no oh my i'll fall

quickly move to safety
in the middle of the street
exactly where a speeding truck
lifts me off my feet

swiftly to the air i flew
embodying the duck
who still remains against the wall
he isn't in the truck

out the truck the driver dove
he tucked and braced and rolled
his head he did not quite protect
and now he's but a fold

still flying through the air i knew
a truck i'm in it's path
it swerved left and rolled right up over itself
any one could do the math

BANG i'm stuck, almost taboo
a sandwhich with the ground
from now on it's all i'll be
lights out, lights down, a frown

I just threw out my TV and I feel ok about it. You think something bad's gonna happen when you do, but nothing did.

Over the last 2/3 years i kinda stopped watching cable tv. I was never just sitting around doing nothing when the shows I liked came on so I used to just watch them online(if it was 'available in my region') or torrent the episodes and play them on my 1st gen softmodded xbmc xbox which was, hooked up to a tv. Recently I came to find two things:

1. I didn't really care enough to download new episodes of stuff
2. I found a whole lot more shows I liked and started trying to get in front of the tv when they were on

oh yeah and a 3rd thing:

3. The only thing I've really gained from tv is hours and hours of lost time. Fleeting precious hours gone watching people cook things I'll never eat, talk to people I'll never meet, places I'll never go and events that will never affect me.

Some days I'd watch CNN for hours, I'd even leave it on while I worked so I could keep up with what was happening in the world and to make sure I listened to the same story told by 8 different groups of people throughout the day. I now know a ton about the inner workings of the U.S. government and virtually nothing about Canadian politics. At least I find that fact funny, or maybe it's more amazing than funny... In my defence this was partly due to a need to understand the deeper layers of what Jon Stewart was talking about, but also partly to understand the even deeper layers of what Stephen Colbert was parodying. I've seen Iron Chef so many times I'm a pro when there's only 1 thing in my fridge and I have to make a 7 course meal. Thanks to Gordan Ramsay I could help any restaurant turn a profit and get their shit together and I feel really comfortable yelling at cooks in a scottish accent. I got to see The Simpsons lose their subtlety and finesse (quite frankly a little piece of me died), and developed ADHD from watching Family Guy, and American Dad. If I ever end up working in a cubicle I'll find it hillarious thanks to the Office. I reaffirmed my vegetarianism watching Anthony Bourdain visit Egypt where a bunch of guys murdered and chopped up a camel before feeding it to him. I now see that it's possible to be a somewhat modern family and practice polygamy thanks to Big Love. Thanks to House I now know for sure that it is really all about the doctors and their egos or perks.. depending on the doctor. They also never show any nurses, anyone who's met at least one nurse and at least one doctor knows that there wouldn't be a functional health care system anywhere without nurses. Without nurses healthcare would be more like factory farming--cold sterile and abusive. Myth Busters is one of the best shows to ever exist by far. Last night was the season premier, the first time I'd ever seen a show that wasn't a repeat which are on all the time cause it's such a great show. It was a 2 hour special of blowing things up and smashing other things. It was late, I was tired, and I feel asleep halfway through. The fact that I missed the other half, doesn't really bother me at all. Watching Jimmy Fallon burst out of the whomb was interesting, but since I'm not a movie critic I've got nowhere to put all my comments. The Roots are the only thing that made it watchable. I feel like I might regret watching Conan's first week, but let's be honest, tonight, late night, late late night.. Every night is really just the same infomercial with the same monologue and slightly different guests reading from a script promoting the next thing on tv or movie they're working on. Planting a little seed so by the time you see the trailer or the promos you've got yourself a little seedling and when it's d-day and you've got to tune in or drive down to the movies you're just dying to buy your ticket to another crappy flick. It's all the same crap though. Watch one season of one show and you get it, you don't have to watch anything else ever, you could come back in 50 years and watch the newest plasma hologram show and you'll see all the jokes coming from a mile away. It's like trying to listen to more than one Bill Hicks album in a day without hoping and praying to find a shotgun delivery service in the local yellow pages. ITS THE SAME SHIT on loop. Break your TV, SMASH your tv... throw it out on the curb, unplug it and melt it down for the uncompromizing soul sucking leach that it is and has been all your life and be free. That is my gift to you, the 5 people that will ever read this. Freedom. It's a cold lifeless dying medium who's only unique contrabutions to the universe are infomercials and made for tv movies. Two things that if left unchecked for too long could flatten the earth all by themselves, individually or together. A medium centered around selling you shit you don't need and don't want. Carson Daly's new format is pretty cool, it's up there with MythBusters, it is. Live music, artist interviews--not the cheesy obviously scripted kind from other shows, but you know what, some content shouldn't be locked up on tv. The few good shows in the sea of crap aren't worth it. Besides there's a pretty spankin' music scene around here and as cool as Carson is it still doesn't beat actually being there. Flight of The Concords,  The Sarah Silverman Program, and tons of other not as good are just the next trend of suedo reality. Triggered by Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm, and popularized by viewers who got sick of pathetic 'reality shows' especially when they found out during the writer's strike actually had writers. I won't deny that there are some great shows out there but I'd rather get the finished compiled version,  commercial free, comentary, and not have to revolve my life around the schedule of a glass rectangle. "Technology will one day enslave us" is the phrase uttered by someone who hasn't yet taken a step back to see what's happened over the last 110 years.

Hopefully with this post I've released all this useless fucking knowledge back into the ether from where it came. I did it in the hopes that I get a little real estate back that can once again be used to host useful things. Things like thoughts and ideas, and with the extra time maybe, just maybe I can implement one or two of them.

So far the flack has flown over flowing flowery hillsides in key west... (that's Florida for the fellows who don't know a flippin' thing). For corn-FLAKEs, I can't fish when I'm flushed in the face.. It's all that mace in my face, maize in my face. I enjoy popcorn with my socks drawn and held at 2 ninety degree angles. I don't mind if they're worn so long as to keep my feet warm for lorn in the the cold scorn of a Canadian winter season. With reason of course, you wouldn't do without the sport. I can't endourse that horse. He won't win : don't bet on him. Your lovers grin shouldn't spin you to bet on him. Your lovers chin might though so BE CAREFUL! It's a dareful venture, let's seat on this bench here, think for a minute. Chew the meat, look at our feet, our fleet. Of diligent toes from boskow to moskow, I think fritzy is the only one who'll stick around when the moneys gone, then we'd both be out of a job and off balance cause I'll be leaning on you and i'll be fat at the sad loss of my toe fleet, nothing to capture my toe fleece. My socks vacant and my shoes unaware, I'll know what they've done - where they've left me - where I'd run.

The above screenshot(click it to zoom), was taken from this share button I'm working on for a client. I was in the middle of adapting StumbleUpon's submission link when I noticed an unfortunate concidence. They have the url encoded where / is represented as %2f, so /article reads %2farticle. Not your top shelf stuff but it caught me off guard and amuses me still.

If you visit http://fightskillz.com/time you'll see a clock and an insulting yet motivating phrase. The phrase is random, I'll be adding more to the pool whenever I get a chance to ponder what a lazy bastard I am, and it changes every minute. I want to implement this better, but I don't have time right now so it'll have to do.

Here's a screenshot or two:

Two perfect streams, with one perfect seam. I look down and scream, although to myself, it appears.

Once everything is soaked, not a happy artichoke. I off to the store, to return and get more

But apparently there's a policy against my accident.

I wrestle with the store clerk and tell 'em he'll pay,

he said no you have to.

Left pondering in an isle, cans all strewn about. It's vengance i want, yet i'm all flushed with doubt

FULCHED! i say...

i mean FLUSHED. That's it, i've got it, the answer i want

it.

Today in my full stream, full scream, private isle.

I soaked the place silly and grafted on a smile

When clerk returns to see what I've done

he doesn't so i look around, put away my gun

my face, my hands, my stupid grin

i missed all the cans, all the cereal, everything.

i return past the tills, covered in shame

at my own, my own, improbable aim.

ah wells, ah wells, a grin on the store clerk.

so i throw an old lady's walker at him, what a jerk...

the old lady falls, tralls, fippersnaps.. oh wait, that was her back.

so off the hospital covered in pee, my bathroom i know, looks just like me.

at the back of an ambulance, i'm to blame, for the old lady's accident, and my accident fame.

quite the opposite i tell some local news, all of them, the entire crew.

they'll have none of it they question and they blame.

so i pee on all of them and proudly exclaim.

MY FANCY, SEAM OF A STREAM IS MIGHT, NOW I'VE GOT YOU ALL IN MY SIGHT.

so soaked they be, and soaked they were.. I left them there it was a mutual blur.

I'd just soaked the town and began a new day

soon later I was parched.

I AM AMPHIBIOUS!!
I CAN LIVE ON SEA OR IN LAND.
DO NOT TAKE MY SATCHEL.
IT IS WHERE I KEEP MY THINGS.

I'm one of those days,
That just don't make sense.
I'm one of those feelings,
Like an anger I'm intense.

I'm one of those landmarks,
That judging from afar,
I'm stuck in a rut,
Like dinosaurs in tar.

too badd you're all pigs,
oink oinking in your mudd.
I can't believe all of yous,
actually eat that crud.

It's cheap and it's tawdry,
All wrapped in a ball.
Eating it makes you,
Think you're 6 feet tall.

At the end of this winter,
It'll be warm.
I wish I was an orange,
Someday I'll learn.

by Yoav Givati

.tel domain names are being hyped and advertised all over the place. The company that owns the rights to the .tel extension believes they should be used like a switchboard where everyone has their contact info permanently available at their own .tel domain name.

The idea is obviously ridiculously stupid for too many reasons. The most prominent facet of idiocy is name collision. But beyond that a .tel domain based contact directory is to OpenID what a wheel-less bicycle is to a rocket ship.

Unfortunately this stuff isn't new, godaddy has been pushing .me domain names for a while now. Oh well.