Back On Track
It seems the last week or so I've fallen behind in blog posting, laundry, twittering, working out, and a whole host of other things. I did manage to get a few things done work wise though. Typically when I start a new project I experience this hyper-focused state of being where I don't sleep, eat, or anything else beyond the bare minimum needed to survive-- during a typical bout 54 hour days separated by 4 hours sleep is normal; no alarm clocks or caffeine necessary. For some reason I've slipped into this without any particular thing being in focus, and the chance of actually focusing on anything significant over-ridden by reeally wanting to watch the inauguration, and being constantly glued to CNN for a couple days before, during, and after. The fact that I wasn't experiencing from or taking advantage of my state of mind to immerse myself in solving usability problems and establishing functionality paradigms, left me a wastefull lazy being. A couple months ago I'd wake up at 3am 6 times a week, run 8km in the freezing cold, do 200 pushups, 200 situps, and 30 pullups, and then start my day. Today(which started on Wednesday night) I've showered, done a quarter of my laundry, had breakfast, lunch, and got about an hours work done. Those few tasks have taken me about 12 hours to accomplish. It's gotten so bad that I am, at this moment drinking directly from the Brita spout. Oh we have cups, a whole cupboard full, it's about 32feet from me to that cupboard and that vast trek involves steps; descending and the ascending on the way back, so I guess that's too far now. I'm actually starting to get flabby(a bit lets not get carried away) from living like this. It's time to make a change. I feel like saying it's gone too far, but it's not about how far it's gotten, it's about key lifestyle choices that over time precipitate into the unholy and indolent catastrophe that defines my current rut. All I have to do is change those behavior patterns and wait for liberal evaporation to do it's thing. Unfortunately I can't compress into the standard 24 hour day/night thing and so I never find myself in a position where I can say "Well, it's 6pm and I'm done all my tasks for today, now I can relax until tomorrow." Instead I have an infinite pile of tasks to get done before I retire and so for me just sitting around relaxing waiting for the date on my calendar to change is like a cigarrete smoker trying to quit and having 'one last drag'. It's a whirlwind, a downward spiral from there pulling me with intense gravity to where I am now in all this, and it gets worse, much worse. If I let it. Sure there are times when relaxation is needed and warrented but it's never with the goal of passing time. It has a purpose and a deeply analyzed function which has to result in a net increase in productivity in the long run to even merit the thought of it. So in order for me to be functional I have to be strictly disciplined. The one problem with doing that is that occasionally I'll be working on something and lose track of myself, I won't realize I've been focused on some task or error for 4 hours straight and then everything gets derailed and needs special adjustments and sacrifices to catch up to a speeding train. I have yet to find a way to grab my own attention say every 45 minutes, and I have yet to find a way to wake myself up after only a few hours sleep(when I'm not fully in the zone) that I can't deactivate before I'm fully awake resulting in me often getting back into bed and sleeping for 14 hours when I only wanted 4 or 6. But those two things would be luxuries if I every figured them out-- depending on external intervention to maintain discipline is a major pitfall and at its most basic level a cop-out. It means I have something else to blame for faltering which leads me to believe it wasn't in my control. So maybe I shouldn't be thinking of it at all.
