At seemingly random times, my printer makes a noise. My only defence was to unplug it from my computer for the last week sending it into a deep coma. But alas after 7 days of only being connected to power, it made a noise. A devious noise that to a laymen would sound as though the ribbon was moving, but having hunted printers since I was nearly a fetus (I just had to add 'fetus' to my spell check, ridiculous right? ) I know full well what the sound means. It's one of those rare hairless printers that you can unhinge the jaw and peer inside at it's poisonous ink cartridges. I was told by the pet store that it'll only spray when it's munching on paper, but one day it was choking on one such piece of paper and I had to reach in, as I did it swung its sharp cartridges over my arm covering me and half the room in a wide variety of vivid colours. I had to immediately go to the local vet for the antidote and he said I almost died, that if I'd gotten there just 10 minutes later he'd have to have amputated my t-shirt, and thrown it away. When I arrived back home I found it on the carpet at the end of it's cord with a trail of inked footprint outlines behind it. If you ever wondered what printer's footprints look like, it's like the outline of one of its corners. My particular printer though, the shifty thing, was printing out pages of small human footprints behind it as it was making its escape. I suppose it was trying to fake a scene for the police where it would look like the printer had been kidnapped by a small man, and they would wonder, "How could such a small man carry such a big printer, let alone get it off the desk or climb down the stairs..." and by the time they figured it out the printer would have made it to Mexico, bought a villa, and moved in. My printer comes from a long line of top performers in all their categories, unfortunately it was the runt and is a bit slower and less accurate than its siblings. There's good days and bad, sometimes everything's going well and all of a sudden you hear it gagging on page 24, and other days it can't keep anything down. There was even one time where it needed immediate open compartment surgery to remove a whole stack of crunched up papers from its lower abdomen compartment. Just the other day it sneezed as I was feeding it a particularly dusty page, aside from being incredibly disguisting it started cackling so hard it fell off the back of the desk.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 10th, 2008 at 5:19 pm and is filed under A Shot At Crazy, Idiocy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.